“All artists are thieves, it’s only the bad’uns that get caught” - Anon.

For no other good reason than the heady perfume of pure turpentine and stand oil, John Ross has, for a good number of years, struggled to pick the ancient locks to Mistress Crimson's secret paint cupboards.

He has over the years also attempted, in his own way and at different times, to burgle the apron pockets of Caravaggio, Brueghel, Max Ernst, Hogarth, Magritte, Durer, Daumier, Degas, Francis Bacon, JMW Turner, Landseer, Rothko, Rowlandson, Ruskin Spear, Ralph Steadman, Manet, Monet, Memling and a whole list of other greats. The life sentence is pending.